SG1 writing exercise: Pragmatics
Aug. 21st, 2008 11:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragojustinePragmatics
SG1, Jack/Daniel, 850 words, rated G
Small Victories (4x01) tag
No beta, please save me from myself if necessary.
AN: Sometimes I can break writer’s block by writing a scene of almost pure dialog. This is actually the sequel to Unlooked-for Gift, in that it resolves the conflict beginning to simmer in that one. No, really. If you were in Daniel’s POV that would make sense, I swear.
"I gave the order to kill you."
"No, you didn't. I gave the order. Davis carried it out."
"Technically," Daniel said. "But he looked at me. He wouldn't have, if I hadn't nodded."
Jack started a little at that, swore softly under his breath.
"He's a friend, Jack. He's protected us on every other front. Why not this one?"
"Because he might think this is different."
"He's a friend," Daniel repeated, with a flat end-of-conversation finality.
Daniel dropped the headgear back over his ears, reloaded, and fired five more shots downrange. Jack waited until he paused to check the target, cleaning his own un-fired weapon for an excuse to stay.
"I gave the order to kill you. Aren't you at all... distressed by that?"
"No. It was the right call."
"Killing you can't possibly be the right call."
"A, it wasn't a decision to kill me, it was a decision to save the planet. And B," Jack said, ticking off a second finger, "I'm still alive."
"Fallacious." Daniel couldn't strip and clean his sidearm without concentrating. His attempt to use that as a distraction, an automatic occupation for his hands, degenerated into awkward fiddling. "B, Asgard-ex-machina is irrelevant to the decision-making. And A, killing you was a much more direct consequence of the decision than saving the planet. I shouldn’t relegate that to side-effect because it's more comfortable."
Jack reached out to still Daniel's hands before he dropped something. The pads of his fingers brushed the back of Daniel's hand as long as he dared. Daniel stilled, but didn't relax.
"More direct consequence? It's not about philosophical shit like that. It's about priorities. If you need to think of it as saving the planet in order to make the right call, that's how you think about it."
Daniel looked up then, eyes widening slightly, his face set halfway between revelation and shock. "Is that how it really feels to be you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That level of pragmatism. Intellectual arguments determined by necessary outcomes, instead of the other way around. Action dictates everything."
It wasn't hard to extrapolate what Daniel thought of that. Jack felt his jaw grinding and forced himself to unclench it. It wouldn't be the first time someone had needed to think of him as a monster to preserve their own world view; wouldn't be the last. Even Sara. But Daniel...
"I have spent most of my time here feeling morally superior to the military personnel I work with. I was both raised and educated to believe... certain things. About soldiers. About morality. About logic and philosophy and examination and ethics and -- it doesn't matter."
There was nothing to say to that. Jack restrained himself, but only barely.
"The thing is, Jack, that in three years I've never seen you make a wrong call. Ones based on incomplete or incorrect information, sure, ones I disagreed with, but never wrong, in the final analysis. And yesterday I gave the nod to kill you, and the thing that bothers me most isn’t that I did it, it’s that I almost didn’t do it.”
Daniel holstered his weapon. Jack opened his mouth to say something about taking care of his tools properly, then changed his mind and said instead, “Let’s get you lunch.” It wasn’t an attempt to change the subject; it was a willingness to stay engaged, despite his complete helplessness. Daniel probably understood that. Jack never could figure out how much he understood, but it was usually enough.
They walked.
“You do what you need to do, and you think the way you need to think in order to be able to do that. Pragmatism isn’t justification, it’s coping. It doesn’t keep you from being a moral man in theory, it allows you to be one in practice. And without men like you--”
“Daniel. Don’t. Whatever you think I do, I don’t. It’s not -- it’s just how you do this job.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Daniel answered. His mouth twisted wryly, the first returning trace of ease. “On this front you aren’t qualitatively different from, say, Teal’c.”
They fell silent as a group of airmen passed them. When Daniel spoke again, his voice carried the false lightness that came when he chose his words very carefully. “A, it seems that you and Teal’c are better men than me for the very reason I always suspected you were worse. And B” -- he held up his fingers and waited for Jack to give a grudging smile at the duplication -- “Teal’c is not the one I am personally concerned with.”
As the commissary came in sight, Jack said, “Meatloaf. Hallelujah, eh?”
“Not hungry. Actually going to go back to my office now.”
Jack paused, frozen. His hand hovered in the air between them, without a safe place to land. Daniel smiled, truly sincere for the first time all day.
“This is not me freaking out. Don’t worry. Just understanding some things. Tonight, right?”
“With bells on.”
Daniel turned, coming close enough for Jack to bump their shoulders lightly, and headed off back down the hall.
SG1, Jack/Daniel, 850 words, rated G
Small Victories (4x01) tag
No beta, please save me from myself if necessary.
AN: Sometimes I can break writer’s block by writing a scene of almost pure dialog. This is actually the sequel to Unlooked-for Gift, in that it resolves the conflict beginning to simmer in that one. No, really. If you were in Daniel’s POV that would make sense, I swear.
"I gave the order to kill you."
"No, you didn't. I gave the order. Davis carried it out."
"Technically," Daniel said. "But he looked at me. He wouldn't have, if I hadn't nodded."
Jack started a little at that, swore softly under his breath.
"He's a friend, Jack. He's protected us on every other front. Why not this one?"
"Because he might think this is different."
"He's a friend," Daniel repeated, with a flat end-of-conversation finality.
Daniel dropped the headgear back over his ears, reloaded, and fired five more shots downrange. Jack waited until he paused to check the target, cleaning his own un-fired weapon for an excuse to stay.
"I gave the order to kill you. Aren't you at all... distressed by that?"
"No. It was the right call."
"Killing you can't possibly be the right call."
"A, it wasn't a decision to kill me, it was a decision to save the planet. And B," Jack said, ticking off a second finger, "I'm still alive."
"Fallacious." Daniel couldn't strip and clean his sidearm without concentrating. His attempt to use that as a distraction, an automatic occupation for his hands, degenerated into awkward fiddling. "B, Asgard-ex-machina is irrelevant to the decision-making. And A, killing you was a much more direct consequence of the decision than saving the planet. I shouldn’t relegate that to side-effect because it's more comfortable."
Jack reached out to still Daniel's hands before he dropped something. The pads of his fingers brushed the back of Daniel's hand as long as he dared. Daniel stilled, but didn't relax.
"More direct consequence? It's not about philosophical shit like that. It's about priorities. If you need to think of it as saving the planet in order to make the right call, that's how you think about it."
Daniel looked up then, eyes widening slightly, his face set halfway between revelation and shock. "Is that how it really feels to be you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That level of pragmatism. Intellectual arguments determined by necessary outcomes, instead of the other way around. Action dictates everything."
It wasn't hard to extrapolate what Daniel thought of that. Jack felt his jaw grinding and forced himself to unclench it. It wouldn't be the first time someone had needed to think of him as a monster to preserve their own world view; wouldn't be the last. Even Sara. But Daniel...
"I have spent most of my time here feeling morally superior to the military personnel I work with. I was both raised and educated to believe... certain things. About soldiers. About morality. About logic and philosophy and examination and ethics and -- it doesn't matter."
There was nothing to say to that. Jack restrained himself, but only barely.
"The thing is, Jack, that in three years I've never seen you make a wrong call. Ones based on incomplete or incorrect information, sure, ones I disagreed with, but never wrong, in the final analysis. And yesterday I gave the nod to kill you, and the thing that bothers me most isn’t that I did it, it’s that I almost didn’t do it.”
Daniel holstered his weapon. Jack opened his mouth to say something about taking care of his tools properly, then changed his mind and said instead, “Let’s get you lunch.” It wasn’t an attempt to change the subject; it was a willingness to stay engaged, despite his complete helplessness. Daniel probably understood that. Jack never could figure out how much he understood, but it was usually enough.
They walked.
“You do what you need to do, and you think the way you need to think in order to be able to do that. Pragmatism isn’t justification, it’s coping. It doesn’t keep you from being a moral man in theory, it allows you to be one in practice. And without men like you--”
“Daniel. Don’t. Whatever you think I do, I don’t. It’s not -- it’s just how you do this job.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Daniel answered. His mouth twisted wryly, the first returning trace of ease. “On this front you aren’t qualitatively different from, say, Teal’c.”
They fell silent as a group of airmen passed them. When Daniel spoke again, his voice carried the false lightness that came when he chose his words very carefully. “A, it seems that you and Teal’c are better men than me for the very reason I always suspected you were worse. And B” -- he held up his fingers and waited for Jack to give a grudging smile at the duplication -- “Teal’c is not the one I am personally concerned with.”
As the commissary came in sight, Jack said, “Meatloaf. Hallelujah, eh?”
“Not hungry. Actually going to go back to my office now.”
Jack paused, frozen. His hand hovered in the air between them, without a safe place to land. Daniel smiled, truly sincere for the first time all day.
“This is not me freaking out. Don’t worry. Just understanding some things. Tonight, right?”
“With bells on.”
Daniel turned, coming close enough for Jack to bump their shoulders lightly, and headed off back down the hall.
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 09:49 am (UTC)I love how this chimes with the Jack/Daniel scene in Origin, where Jack takes Daniel to lunch after the Ori incident. He doesn't do it to distract then, either. He does it to keep talking (which he does in a tag I haven't finished yet!). Love how you tackle Daniel's feelings over giving the order/not giving it. I have much love for Davis for the way he handled this; emotionally, the decision was always Daniel's, even though it really shouldn't have been.
Grest stuff. :-)
*whispers: Jack's wife was Sara, not Sarah. Too many damn Sara/hs in the SG-1-verse!*
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 01:01 pm (UTC)Considering that I have not seen this, I cannot tell you how happy this makes me!
Thanks for the name fix.
I have much love for Davis for the way he handled this
So do I. This is my second tinhat-iest moment in the entire series, after only the pushing the glasses up in the elevator. It just makes no emotional sense to me unless Paul knows/suspects/thinks, you know? I actually have an alternate of these scene in mind, a first time where Daniel figured out why Paul did that.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 01:42 pm (UTC)I adore paul so much. I love that moment so much.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 11:03 am (UTC)Loved the shoulder bump at the end. Hiding in plain sight, those two.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 01:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 12:05 pm (UTC)I will have more coherent feedback soon.
You are amazing here, once again and even moreso, and soon I will be able to tell you why. Except please take the Writing Exercise label off this; you're making the rest of us mortals look bad LOLOL.
*DIES*
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 01:22 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 12:34 pm (UTC)The firing range is such an appropriate setting, too. Daniel practicing his military skills. Nice.
Couple of edits:
1. "it’s just how do you this job.”
2. Asgard-ex-machina where you've got deus-ex-Asgard?
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 01:23 pm (UTC)Hmm, yes, that is what it would be. I was trying to do all this dialog very fast with a minimum of editing (because, writing exercise), but Daniel really wouldn't have made that mistake, would he? I'll fix. Thank you so much!
Heehee. When you get that icon, I wanna see it *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 01:38 pm (UTC)Okay, I can think now... BTW, I just noticed your default of "too lazy to title" comments.... do you really need/want us to put something in the subject line of our comments? Because I'm actually not too lazy to do it; it just seems like it's a common practice not to, especially when the comment is obviously a bit of feedback to the story. But I can start doing that if it's important to you.
In any case: This tag is so incredibly wonderful, and I admire your writing for many reasons, but in this case here's why I think all that:
You have written a gorgeous bit of dialog that is all about theme, which is something I'm totally struggling with these days and that I don't know how to do. You have them discussing the morality of their choices, the reasons for their choices, and Daniel struggling to understand Jack, which is something that is so plausible -- that Daniel WOULD have done, struggled to understand Jack, and Jack would have been puzzled by Daniel's interpretation of his actions in just this way, IMHO.
You have put the moral issues that we readers/viewers are fascinated by in their characters (and the contrast/conflict that is the engine for terrific internal conflict in eps like this one, and The Other Side and Red Sky and some of the good episodes that delve into the characters) into a piece of fic without preaching, without boring internal monologue, without writing a very self conscious piece of character analysis. I actually skip stories where the summary is "character study of X", even if I love the character, because so often stories like that are not stories at all. Nothing happens in them. They are just the writer ruminating. I find that, usually, boring. I don't want the writer to sum up the character for me, tell me about the character. I want a STORY. This is a story. You are exploring one of the really cool and central and fundamental things that makes Daniel Daniel and Jack Jack, and you are doing it through DIALOG. Through a STORY, that has a beginning, middle and end.... and it's just a perfectly clever trick that you put them on the range to do it. GUH.
This really works. And the title is perfect.
I could study for ten more years and not be able to produce something like this, that starts from THEME and becomes a story. Thank you so much. I'm so very glad you are choosing to write this pairing. You're amazing. Will be rereading this. Guh.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 02:07 pm (UTC)Huh? *headscratch*
Oh! I just stuck that in there to be cute when I made the lj, and didn't know even what it would affect. Heh. Not at all, obviously nobody titles comments. Also, you may be too considerate for your own good *g*
Thank you so much for this, because you spoke straight to the thing that worried me- whether "Daniel figuring out Jack's morality" can be a story, whereas "my ideas on Jack's morality, let me show you them" obviously isn't. Because I skip "character analysis" stories from authors I don't know too, for the same reason. So thank you- this was good to hear!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 03:14 pm (UTC)oh it totally works. no question there. yay.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 02:59 pm (UTC)Love this!
This is another one of those episodes that needs more fic, and you've done this beautifully. I love the quiet body language and small touches behind the meaningful spoken words.
(I've got several of your fic on my to-read list; I'm so looking forward to it!)
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 07:48 pm (UTC)I've got several of your fic on my to-read list- I hope you like them!
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Date: 2008-08-22 09:15 pm (UTC)D'oh! I essed up your title. Is un-pluraled now.
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Date: 2008-08-22 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 10:15 pm (UTC)I liked this a lot - in fact, I could actually picture the scene, the conversation, the facial expressions and the gestures. That's how effective your writing is, for me, in this piece.
thank you.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-23 12:57 am (UTC)And you examined their feelings so nicely. Jack's fears were especially touching. And you snuck into Daniel's mind and throught processes beautifully. :-)
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Date: 2008-08-23 01:22 pm (UTC)Oh, thank you. It can be so nice to realize that something you thought was only in your head actually came through in the fic as well!
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Date: 2008-08-23 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-24 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-23 10:29 pm (UTC)I love how Daniel *gets it*, without having to have it explained. I love how he both gets that Jack isn't a hero - and that he *is* - all at the same time.
Most especially, I love the easy kind of rapport they've got. So like the show, where they don't always see things eye-to-eye - but are always on the same page.
This fic describes perfectly why I can't do Sam/Jack. I kept going: "well, Sam wouldn't get that," all the way through.
Also? That scene... yeah. They can tell us they weren't thinking about slash when they directed it... but we see through their feeble illusions... ;-) Paul looking to Daniel for confirmation pretty much falls into the category of 'plain sight'. *g*
no subject
Date: 2008-08-24 01:01 pm (UTC)Absolutely! Man, that is such a tin-hatty scene for me.
So glad you liked.