the night has a thousand saxaphones

Jane Fonda just bought me dinner. She thinks the story of how my husband and I met is very sweet.
Sometime in the last two years, my life got weird.

First, predictable insta-rec: Bohemian Rhapsody, by cesperanza, in which Sherlock takes a case for Lady GaGa DaDa.

Second, the following are the two best images on the entire internet of the past week: Number One and Number Two.

I'm not sure what that combination says about me.

Third, still unemployed and psychologically fucked up about it. Send job offers best wishes, please?

Christmas! I got fantastic cards from sid and stultiloquentia and jenrose, and erda, who sent me a magnet, and squirelawrence, whose card is Classy, and hilarytamar, who I forgot to thank like a week ago.

I love this time of year! Thank you everybody!

School: The semester went astonishingly well. The exams... not so much. My procrastination is still a Problem (I'm doing it right now, in fact). It's all my own fault, and I will do better in Spring.

New York: ( Ooops, that got long )

Fail in the News: I love Sady Doyle.

Narnia: I don't have much to say about the movie (this is a lie: I have a MILLION things to say about the movie, but they're all very predictable and I said them all to watersword in person). Sure, much of the movie Did It Wrong, and having Caspian aged up so dramatically changes things, but. But they got Reepicheep right, and that's all I cared about.

But I did manage to find two of my old fic recs for watersword- the one about the magician's book, and the one that is so much more than just a threesome. (And if you ever feel the need for Problem Of Susan fic- and who doesn't?- I reccd four of those over at crack_van too)

Misc Fannish Other: ( Inception, mostly )

So CB, my cousin who has no affiliation with my school but just moved here for a job at the same time I did, has a crush on D, who sits directly behind me in class. They're both Mormon, you see, and met independent of me at a church new-to-town meet and greet. I believe they call this a Big City Coincidence. Either that or a sitcom plot.

She wants me to do detective work for her. I was able to confirm that he went to BYU and wears a CTR ring, but she wants more. More? Well... I can tell you everything you want to know about his opinions on early 20th century railroad worker injury caselaw?

She wasn't appeased.

Of course, it then turned out that S, the closest thing I've made to a friend actually at this school, is sleeping with the Other S, the guy who I was working up to asking out. Except it might not be going so well and she wants me to do some buffer duty between them.

Then I went out to the Soup Nazi store. On the way home, I overheard a truly surreal, indecipherable-out-of-context conversation on the subway.

When I got back to my place, there were a couple people sitting out on the metal fire escape chatting and smoking and spying on their neighbors. They waved to me.

I have reached the completely inarguable conclusion: I am a recurring character on Friends.

I don't think there's any other explanation.

(Aside: Freshdirect.com is a wonderful, wonderful company and I want to spread their gospel far and wide. That said, they apparently sometimes surprise their customers with "today's free peak produce." I now have a... Thing, by appearance perhaps some member of the melon family, larger than my head, sitting on my kitchen counter. I'm a little creeped out by it. The surreality of my life only increases.)

Opener: In which it is your job to take pizzas out of the oven and put them in the boxes. Simple, right?

-Forget to put the little cheese tables in the middle. Send five pizzas out with cardboard in the cheese.
-Forget that gourmet chicken gets parmesan on top after it comes out of the oven. When pizzas are out the door, hope nobody notices.
-Forget that extra-large pizzas are cut into twelve slices, not eight. Hope that family has very large plates.
-Mix up the regular utensil-thingie with the gluten-free utensil-thingie. Send two orders back to be remade. Hope those people prefer eating late to being sick.

Act 2: In which all you have to do is take the pizza from point A to point B, with a map, in an area you know well.

-Take a dodgy shortcut because it's the only way to avoid rush hour traffic. Forget that it is Sunday and there is no rush hour. Five minutes late.
-Forget that a main road is closed for construction. And has been for the last two weeks. Forget the detour you drove just yesterday. Ten minutes late.
-Forget that a local very large park has two entrances, and you can't drive between them inside the park, but instead have to go way back out and around. Twenty minutes late.

Act 3: In which the things you become frazzled about are finally not your fault.

-Explain to a sad gentleman that you are sold out of the ice cream flavor he ordered, even though the person who took his order half an hour ago assured him we were not.
-Resist the urge to explain to the woman who insists that she asked for Diet Coke that you have the receipt right here, dammit, and this is not your fault, it's the fault of the guy who took her order, so you should still get a tip.

Grand Finale: In which a brief hope of redemption is quickly dashed

-Deliver a pizza to a shirtless man who looks exactly like Matt Bomer. He smiles at you and says "g'day, mate" and gives you a five dollar tip. Sigh dreamily.
-Return to the store and promptly drop things while doing dishes. Many, many, many things.

Encore: Because the crowd wants more

-Drive halfway home with the pizza sign still on top of your car.

I can't even be upset about this day. It was way too funny.

(Just to clarify: I actually absolutely love this job. The people are fun and the driving is fun and the free pizza is fun and the money is boggling. It's just. There are days...)

I need to unload my old laptop. Be warned, this thing is ancient- a desktop replacement machine from early 2003. It comes with some big disclaimers and I certainly can't justify charging anything other than shipping costs for it, but perhaps there are people on my flist who like playing around with computers? More hardware is always better if you have room for it, I always say.

( specs and disclaimers )

Pics and further details on request. Anybody know anyone who would take this off my hands for the price of shipping? It seems worth a shot.

Is it just me, or was Bob Costas' interview with Evan Lysacek the ( funniest thing ever? )

Seriously, Evan, when you're done with figure skating? Consider taking up politics. Congrats to you, or whoever prepped you, on that one.

Still depressed. Still having issues (practical, familial, financial). No immediate end in sight. Don't wait up for me. Won't be posting fic.

That said, though, I am absolutely desperate for one little bit of help. Long long ago miriad told me about a movie David Hewlett was in way back when called Where the Heart Is. I downloaded it and shoved it in a folder awaiting the day SGA was over and I was desperate for another Hewlett fix. Well, that day has come, and... I lost Where the Heart Is during the computer swap. And now it seems to be un-torrentable. And I have no money for movies.

You guys, if I don't see David Hewlett in an itty-bitty cupid costume soon, I might die. Plus, Uma Thurman.

Can anybody hook me up?

*bats eyelashes*

Fail #1: Amazon Rank. (Thought #1: Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence. Thought number 2: The particular implementation of the "adult content" policy is ridiculous beyond words, but why are so few people complaining about the fact that they have such a policy at all? #3: If you do have an adult content screening system, the way to do it is to remove those items at the search level, not to fuck with your underlying database, especially not a database that has such a huge impact. That's just... *hunts for words* bad stewardship. #4: Man, they had better bend over backwards figuring out how this happened and reversing this policy and apologizing to authors and readers and EVERYONE and just kissing ass and begging for their reputation back)

Fail #2: Spent all day fixing my electrical system and freaking out because I thought I would have to pay $100 for a repair guy which I could not afford. Dodged that bullet, but my complete and total money panic is getting old.

Win #1: Dad called my uncle and had him deliver me an easter basket this morning. Swear to god, an easter basket. With a bunny. No joke. *glow*

Win #2: Paul Davis! I rec this fic/meta thing to make up for the Davis fic that I have failed to write for a week straight now because of all the various technical failures in my life. Oh, and also: John Sheppard plays Lube/not lube (post plus comment fic)

Win #3: I am name-squatting at Dreamwidth, not yet using. Decisions about journal importing and such to be made when I actually have a computer again. No, that's a lie. When I have an actual computer again I will watch a shitload of TV, spent a solid day playing Rome: Total War or Civ 4 or something, and then try again to write some fic. Then I'll think about it.