dragojustine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dragojustine) wrote2008-08-25 02:55 pm
dragojustine) wrote2008-08-25 02:55 pm
Entry tags:
Randomalia
Christian just picked Ollie up, threw him down on the couch, straddled him, and threatened to suffocate him with a pillow while saying cute, happy, bantering things in German
HOW did I become invested in this story line? I don't even know what show it's from! And yet here I sit, watching YouTube snippets of an unknown soap-opera in a language I don't speak, despite not having time to keep up on my shows in English.
*shakes fist at my poly-fannish slashy flist*
Random: Rhythmic Gymnastics is mesmerizing. It totally shouldn't be an Olympic sport. Cirque du Soleil act yes, Olympic sport no. But... can't... look... away...
I think my eyes have been bigger than my stomach, writing-wise, recently. I want to write SO MUCH. My fingers just itch with it, but I have so little time. I think I will be defaulting on things (either actual commitments or personal deadlines) in the next two weeks.
I have lived in Dallas for six months now and do not have a friend here. Not one.
I mean, I love my book club, but FRIENDS aren't happening. And tutoring is much better work than anything else I can get here (even if I could get anything else here, which isn't happening) but it's completely solitary, and tends to eat up my evenings. Especially when I am desperate enough for the money that I don't set good enough boundaries about what time I want to keep free- I just gave away my board game evening to a student.
And I have loved getting back to the gym and working out, but that's completely solitary for me as well. I know for some people it isn't- but for me it is. I am debating the local Masters' swim team here, but that would be more expensive than my current gym membership. The extra money might be worth it, though, just for basic human contact- I literally see no one except grocery store clerks and students these days.
This is, admittedly, at least in part for lack of trying- I didn't pursue a couple social things in April-July because I was just preferring to be alone. But on the few occasions I have pursued friend-making stuff, it turns out that I am utter crap at meeting people on anything other than a romantic model. Hell, I kind of accidentally fell into dating this one guy simply because that was the only way I could figure out to spend time with another human being. I was not even remotely attracted to him. Pathetic, no? Since resolved.
Also, lack of sexual contact is slowly driving me mad. I've been avoiding porn in my recent writing spree just because I know it will fuck with me. (Yaay for being jealous of your own fictional characters.) I seem to be able to go about a month before I give in to a random vanilla-guy hookup. I'm coming up on the month now. This solution is not ideal, to say the least. I have not pursued the real-life kink scene at all, no matter how very, very much I want to. The reasons for that are many, and the subject of another entry.
Resolved: Make efforts to set better time-off boundaries with students, get my Tuesday and Saturday evenings back so I can play board games again. Start dancing again when it gets cool enough that I will not pass out from heat exhaustion. Make a serious effort to get the money together for that swim team. Work on screwing up my courage for the local BDSM munch
HOW did I become invested in this story line? I don't even know what show it's from! And yet here I sit, watching YouTube snippets of an unknown soap-opera in a language I don't speak, despite not having time to keep up on my shows in English.
*shakes fist at my poly-fannish slashy flist*
Random: Rhythmic Gymnastics is mesmerizing. It totally shouldn't be an Olympic sport. Cirque du Soleil act yes, Olympic sport no. But... can't... look... away...
I think my eyes have been bigger than my stomach, writing-wise, recently. I want to write SO MUCH. My fingers just itch with it, but I have so little time. I think I will be defaulting on things (either actual commitments or personal deadlines) in the next two weeks.
I have lived in Dallas for six months now and do not have a friend here. Not one.
I mean, I love my book club, but FRIENDS aren't happening. And tutoring is much better work than anything else I can get here (even if I could get anything else here, which isn't happening) but it's completely solitary, and tends to eat up my evenings. Especially when I am desperate enough for the money that I don't set good enough boundaries about what time I want to keep free- I just gave away my board game evening to a student.
And I have loved getting back to the gym and working out, but that's completely solitary for me as well. I know for some people it isn't- but for me it is. I am debating the local Masters' swim team here, but that would be more expensive than my current gym membership. The extra money might be worth it, though, just for basic human contact- I literally see no one except grocery store clerks and students these days.
This is, admittedly, at least in part for lack of trying- I didn't pursue a couple social things in April-July because I was just preferring to be alone. But on the few occasions I have pursued friend-making stuff, it turns out that I am utter crap at meeting people on anything other than a romantic model. Hell, I kind of accidentally fell into dating this one guy simply because that was the only way I could figure out to spend time with another human being. I was not even remotely attracted to him. Pathetic, no? Since resolved.
Also, lack of sexual contact is slowly driving me mad. I've been avoiding porn in my recent writing spree just because I know it will fuck with me. (Yaay for being jealous of your own fictional characters.) I seem to be able to go about a month before I give in to a random vanilla-guy hookup. I'm coming up on the month now. This solution is not ideal, to say the least. I have not pursued the real-life kink scene at all, no matter how very, very much I want to. The reasons for that are many, and the subject of another entry.
Resolved: Make efforts to set better time-off boundaries with students, get my Tuesday and Saturday evenings back so I can play board games again. Start dancing again when it gets cool enough that I will not pass out from heat exhaustion. Make a serious effort to get the money together for that swim team. Work on screwing up my courage for the local BDSM munch
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
And friends, ah friends, yeah, I tend to think that I suck at initiating friendships, but in the past when it didn't happen "organically," I did use a modified romantic model to get close to people, basically "courting" new friends, by just noting who was interesting, who seemed open to friendship, and then being persistent about inviting them out to things or over for a show or whatever else. At first, it seemed a bit formal, but as we got to know each other it started to feel just as natural as if we'd fallen in without highly conscious efforts. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep myself social once I'm in Chicago. I'll stock up on good friendship vibes for the both of us.
I want to say, too, that I remember being nervous about getting into the BDSM Scene, but really, the people are usually pretty awesome. Just email the organizers and let them know you're new to town and looking to learn more about the kink community. Not every munch has the same feel to it, but Dallas is a hotbed for kink, so imagine that they're used to newcomers and, further, that if you don't like the feel of one munch, there's probably another one for you to go to. Additionally, if the idea of a non-kinky gathering of kinky people for social purposes is intimidating because you don't feel comfy socializing, then you might also want to look into kinky workshops in the area. The thing about workshops is that while you are exposed to the community and can connect/interact if you want, they tend to be about a presenter and an audience, so you can learn stuff without pressure to be social. It's also possible that you would run into some of the same people at workshops as you would at munches, so you'd have at least a vague connection/conversation-starter at the munch. The other thing you might want to do, if you haven't already done it, is get on FetLife and see if there are Dallas groups where you could interact/keep up with events online before going to things.
And ... I don't know anything about Dallas, except that it's kink!huge, as evidenced by Beyond Vanilla, one of the biggest kink conventions in the nation, which has been running there for almost two decades now. But ... you are always welcome to drop me an email if you'd like to talk about kink or being a newbie in the Scene or anything else.
*hugs*
no subject
no subject
Nice to meetcha!
no subject