dragojustine: (NYC)
life and perhaps TMI )

In other news: AAAAAH NEW YORK PANIC PANIC PANIC
dragojustine: (Reality ruins my life)
Babbling about music )

*cough* Sometimes I get babbly. Sorry?

And this part is kind of angsty and whiny )

So not feeling so good. Which is why I haven't posted so much, or done much fannish stuff, or written that smoking hot Adam/Tommy porn I've been meaning to.

And this babble ended up being about gender presentation, somehow? And hair. )
dragojustine: (Hate right now)
Oh my god you guys. My life sucks and I want to cry.

I am computerless )

So that Daniel/Jack/Paul fic I promised? Not coming. The moebius fic? Not coming. The Kings fic? Not coming.

On the plus side, I just picked up the next Bujold book, and let me tell you, it looks hilarious. The back says, "You might thing that an obstetrician on a planet forbidden to women would be underemployed..." The cover art is the most horrible lurid SF pulp looking thing I've seen in a long time. I am reading this on pure faith in Bujold, because it looks like badfic of the highest calibre. Then again, that might be what I need, given that I am stranded utterly alone in a strange city with no computer and no money. But after Cetaganda Bujold pretty much owns me, so.
dragojustine: (lust)
Am attempting to write, but encroaching career angst is sort of taking up all my braincells at this point. Maybe I should actually just write out the "law school: pros and cons" chart (even if the list could cover a whole wall) just to try to, I don't know, exorcise it a little.

I will be away-from-internet for a few more days, I think. To tide you over, have some dirty pictures (Because underuse of the "omg lust" tag is a sad thing).

These two boys start out very sweet and end up pretty explicit.

These two boys in the shower really get to me.

And, on a less explicit note, this beautiful boy currently graces my desktop (because my thing for black and white seems to be getting worse).

It's always annoying how much harder it is to find het than gay images that work for me, online- not because Ew Icky Presence of Female (very much the opposite), but oh man, do the straight porn images online make it plain that I am NOT their intended audience. So I'm left with things like this, which is overly artsy and posed and I strongly suspect is an ad for that damn watch, but I find hot anyway. Or this, which I find way hotter than it seems like I should, for being such an inexplicit and sweet image.

Everybody have a good weekend!
dragojustine: (Reality ruins my life)
I've been doing it again. The depression spiral thing. )

GAH.

Needing to snap out of it now.

Gah

Nov. 20th, 2008 10:58 pm
dragojustine: (Reality ruins my life)
Just blew a job interview as badly as I've ever blown anything. Was utterly embarrassed and shamed. Went home and cried a lot. Then took a nap. Then called my mother and cried a lot about how I am going to be unemployed and broke for the rest of my life, how this much money stress just... weighs me down, all the time, makes it hard to even function in some ways, how I'm watching all my dreams and goals just slip away, how I'll never get back to school with a three-year gap on my resume and no recommendations...

My life is just going nowhere, and every once in awhile it comes CRASHING down.

I'm so fucked up I haven't watched SPN or SGA. How's that, eh? Anyway. I've made the executive decision to do the damn Thanksgiving road trip, because if I give up something I want so bad because of the money trouble right now, I might just fall apart completely. So! And I think I will sit in downtown Chicago and look out over the water and feel the wind. I think... that will help a lot. Not as much as salt water, but a lot.

Randomalia

Aug. 25th, 2008 02:55 pm
dragojustine: (slash kiss)
Christian just picked Ollie up, threw him down on the couch, straddled him, and threatened to suffocate him with a pillow while saying cute, happy, bantering things in German

HOW did I become invested in this story line? I don't even know what show it's from! And yet here I sit, watching YouTube snippets of an unknown soap-opera in a language I don't speak, despite not having time to keep up on my shows in English.

*shakes fist at my poly-fannish slashy flist*

Random: Rhythmic Gymnastics is mesmerizing. It totally shouldn't be an Olympic sport. Cirque du Soleil act yes, Olympic sport no. But... can't... look... away...

I think my eyes have been bigger than my stomach, writing-wise, recently. I want to write SO MUCH. My fingers just itch with it, but I have so little time. I think I will be defaulting on things (either actual commitments or personal deadlines) in the next two weeks.

Cut for whining and TMI )
dragojustine: (Rodney and Radek)
What an awesome article )

Frankly, I think 90% of the disagreements in fandom would be solved by clarifying what show each person is actually watching.

So, Stargate: Atlantis )

And my life. Feel free to skip this bit. )
dragojustine: (Daniel)
More random Stargate watching thoughts:

This is SO tl;dr. Spoilers through SG1 Season 6 )

Other random note: I found that YouTube clip where Michael Shanks talks about Jack/Daniel slash. It's here, and it's the best thing ever. "Chris turned to me, and he goes 'heh. You guys are queers.' *pause* And the worst part about it was, I couldn't disagree with him!"

And that lead to me surfing every Michael Shanks interview on YouTube. Including the one where Michael Shanks and Lexa Doig inform Chris Judge of the existence of Furries. And now I have a massive crush on Michael Shanks (though nowhere near as massive as my crush on Daniel Jackson). And somehow, that led to me watching old MacGyver clips on YouTube (oh my God. I had forgotten SO MUCH of how utterly awesome that show was!). And that led to me watching the Mythbusters MacGyver special (Oh my God. I had forgotten how much I ADORE those guys!). So, basically, that was my entire day on Sunday. Heh.

Yup. That's it, all time-wasting TV from me, all the time. Because my actual life sucks right now, about as badly as it has ever sucked, what with the crushing loneliness and the inability to meet anyone in Dallas and the being completely broke and the utter failure of the hunt for any job that will actually allow me to keep doing what I came to Texas to do and the lingering goddmaned illness and the steady spiral into self-reinforcing unproductivity and depression. Yup, it's a party. I am going to need to give myself a massive kick in the pants soon, and try to break out of this. But it's... you know... easier, to just watch MacGyver do cool stuff on YouTube.
dragojustine: (Jack Harkness)
I took the day off work yesterday because I was utterly desperate to have a day ALONE. I have been going to into full introvert-panic mode because Dustin has been home so much recently and I spent all weekend at the con with 1000 people.

And so, of course, Dustin took the day off work too. )

A long spoilery Torchwood meta about Ianto )

ETA:And of course, the minute I write all this, [livejournal.com profile] poisontaster metas it better and [livejournal.com profile] technosage writes it. My flist, they are BRILLIANT.
dragojustine: (Metaillicar)
The Guardian's books section has an absolutely wonderful little article on characterization. I don't agree with it all, of course, or even most of it, and it heavily privileges "great literature." But I am moved by the slightly floundering attempt of one man to ask "what makes a fictional character?" and to identify what exactly fascinates him about certain characters.

So I guess I may be moving to Texas? )

So, all in all, that's very exciting.

I finally got my hands on that 2005 canceled TV show, Eyes. )
dragojustine: (Christmas)
Yuletide ATE me. )

In which I had a fantstic Christmas )

And yet I am incredibly sad and weepy anyway )

I have been crying about it off and on since noon on Christmas. Not “my dog died and I got dumped and my world is ending” tears, but just a constant, low-level sadness at the way things change and pass into memory and can never be reclaimed.
dragojustine: (make porn)
Only 8 more days till I go home for Christmas!

Successful days of writing: 15

[livejournal.com profile] technosage  is hosting an Any-fandom Porn-paragraph-a-thon which has had tons of awesome stuff written in it already. I porned, completely failing the whole "paragraph" idea:
Heroes, Adam/Peter, walls
RPS, JDM/Jensen, daddykink

The party was exactly as I expected it to be, which is to say hellish. )

Grrrr x 2

Dec. 12th, 2007 08:43 pm
dragojustine: (Hate right now)
Only 10 more days till I go home for Christmas!

I was really really looking forward to seeing [profile] ryuutchi  and company at the Roxy tomorrow night. I bought my ticket and everything and it was going to be very relaxed with, you know, no pressure and good music and fun LA sight-seeing and fangirls.



Right now I want to try to meet up with [profile] ryuutchi  at, I don't know, sevenish? and pick up my ticket and maybe stay until 9 or 9:30 and try to get to the big Thing by 10. But that's going to be frustrating and stressful and require me to wear fancy clothes I hate to the fun thing and maybe I won't bother and goddammit I'm going to CRY. Am crying. Fuck.

On a totally other note,
dragojustine: (Christmas)
Let's go with a list, shall we? [Poll #1094127][Poll #1094127]I have never done an LJ poll before, so let's hope that works.

5. I really want to get myself a snowy, frosty, crisp Christmas icon. But I am living in LA and there is going to be no frosty crisp Christmas for me and I'm really, really, irrationally sad about that. Will a frosty Christmas icon make it worse or better?

6. Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen )
dragojustine: (Damaging my calm)
So the official answer is no, C will not be visiting me over Thanksgiving. Mom spun this whole thing about how she couldn't stand to lose both of her kids on the same Thanksgiving, but I'll be home for Christmas and the real reason is that she's punishing me for living with Dustin. Because I'm going to be some sort of horrible bad influence on my pristine sister or she's just generally upset or god knows but I'm pissed because dammit, I wanted to see C and I wanted to see her without mom and dad around all the time and I wanted someone to visit me here. And I've lived with Dustin for over a year now and even though mom and dad have been better about it than I honestly would have predicted (in fact it's been really really good between us since I moved out, which makes me think I should have moved out about a year earlier, because one fewer years of arguing about inanities like phone calls after 10pm and church attendance would have helped everybody's blood pressure), and even though I know they have every right to feel uncomfortable about it and I can't change that it just pisses me off that they're finding stupid petty little ways to try to punish me for it.

*gasps for breath*

And I just... really really really wanted to see her for Thanksgiving and I wanted to spend Thanksgiving here, not up in Seattle, because I just... want this to feel like home too and I just want these things to not be an issue and I just... need to have a good cry now.

Plus, Dustin's afraid he's going to be fired and even though there are plenty of jobs here for him, that combined with my own apparent inability to get work combined with the realization of how incredibly unstable and un-long-term-suited this whole damn thing we have going is and what do I want with my life really and why am I stuck in these temporary situations that don't even make me happy in the short term and ANGST.

Well, that felt good. I guess while I'm here I should report on my required reading. Are You Dumb Enough to be Rich? G William Barnett II )

ETA: So C and dad are visiting on the 8th for several days, and they have offered to buy my ticket home for Thanksgiving. They always do this, pull my anger out from under me with awkward peace offerings that don't fix the underlying thing but make it impossible to be pissy and just leave you... sad. But it's sweet, it really is. And I have a job interview for tomorrow, too.
dragojustine: (cons)
Random: Dustin and I were bickering a wee bit. Today I noticed that the magnetic poetry on the fridge spelled out "she is whynee."

I wish I could peice together "he is passive agressive," but I don't seem to have the words. It would be funny if I could, though.


I can't even seem to get it together enough to finish this beta that I intended to have done by Tuesday, because I am Bad. Also, I can't get five stars on Madhouse on Medium, because I Suck. Also, I haven't yet put together a list of jobs to apply for, because I am In A Funk.

But!

I'm going to WinchesterCon after all! )
dragojustine: (seattle)
Leaving Seattle. Gah. )

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