dragojustine: (almost cool)
Opener: In which it is your job to take pizzas out of the oven and put them in the boxes. Simple, right?

-Forget to put the little cheese tables in the middle. Send five pizzas out with cardboard in the cheese.
-Forget that gourmet chicken gets parmesan on top after it comes out of the oven. When pizzas are out the door, hope nobody notices.
-Forget that extra-large pizzas are cut into twelve slices, not eight. Hope that family has very large plates.
-Mix up the regular utensil-thingie with the gluten-free utensil-thingie. Send two orders back to be remade. Hope those people prefer eating late to being sick.

Act 2: In which all you have to do is take the pizza from point A to point B, with a map, in an area you know well.

-Take a dodgy shortcut because it's the only way to avoid rush hour traffic. Forget that it is Sunday and there is no rush hour. Five minutes late.
-Forget that a main road is closed for construction. And has been for the last two weeks. Forget the detour you drove just yesterday. Ten minutes late.
-Forget that a local very large park has two entrances, and you can't drive between them inside the park, but instead have to go way back out and around. Twenty minutes late.

Act 3: In which the things you become frazzled about are finally not your fault.

-Explain to a sad gentleman that you are sold out of the ice cream flavor he ordered, even though the person who took his order half an hour ago assured him we were not.
-Resist the urge to explain to the woman who insists that she asked for Diet Coke that you have the receipt right here, dammit, and this is not your fault, it's the fault of the guy who took her order, so you should still get a tip.

Grand Finale: In which a brief hope of redemption is quickly dashed

-Deliver a pizza to a shirtless man who looks exactly like Matt Bomer. He smiles at you and says "g'day, mate" and gives you a five dollar tip. Sigh dreamily.
-Return to the store and promptly drop things while doing dishes. Many, many, many things.

Encore: Because the crowd wants more

-Drive halfway home with the pizza sign still on top of your car.

I can't even be upset about this day. It was way too funny.

(Just to clarify: I actually absolutely love this job. The people are fun and the driving is fun and the free pizza is fun and the money is boggling. It's just. There are days...)
dragojustine: (Science fiction)
In which it is all hilarytamar's fault )

Catalysis for Dummies is the cutest John/Rodney AU in quite a while.

And a Kings rec, the first NC-17 Jack/David I have liked yet: All Tomorrow's Parties

Awesome linkage:

A Mathematical Limerick. I am fairly sure this wins the internet. (It works, as far as I can tell. I won't admit how tough it was to remember how to deal with that)

Now this is a man who understands procrastination: Part one, two, three, four, and five.

Random: From now on, I shall endeavor to keep Certera's Law in mind when selecting my online reading material. (Like I wasn't already)
dragojustine: (Smug face)
I have been having so much fun watching the unspooling feud between Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer.

Okay, full disclosure: When I lived with my grandparents, they watched Mad Money nearly every night. I think Jim Cramer indulges in shallow, idiotic, distracting, insulting hijinks to mask his own vapidity, that he creates artificially pumped-up enthusiasm and a deceptive sense of urgency to aid his self-serving boosterism, and that his presentation of his own expertise and certainty borders on the criminally irresponsible. Oh, and that he strikes me as a thoroughly unpleasant person who is going to scream himself into an early but very well-deserved coronary.

So it's not like I'm biased.

Part one, Part two, and Part three. They get steadily funnier, until the climax of the third one, which is pretty genius.

And now Cramer is going to be on the Daily Show on Thursday. Must watch! But what I really want to know is this: how could any celebrity think that it's a good idea to get in a pissing contest with Jon Stewart? I mean, you will lose that fight! Was Cramer stupid?

Random: I am making raspberry filled fudge brownies. If they turn out half as good as they smell so far, this could be really something. Thank God for Nestle pre-made dough (don't stone me! I know I'm a heathen!).
dragojustine: (Almost cool)
Firstly, have some humor awesomeness: Dave Barry's year-end roundup. Do not attempt to consume beverages while reading.

Secondly, have some fannish humor awesomeness: The new year's resolutions of Dr. Rodney McKay, and the new year's resolution of Colonel John Sheppard. Similarly, do not consume beverages. Hee!

Everybody is doing year-end fic roundups. I can't, because I wrote so much anonymous Christmas fic and I just have to talk about it. So, tomorrow.

That said, I am a New Year's resolution ho )

You know, when I put it all in a list like that, it doesn't look like I've totally derailed my life and potential career, stranded myself in a city I hate, and wasted three years, doesn't it? That's because I didn't put "Fix the horrendous mess I've made of my life" on the list. It's all about the concrete, right?

More life year-end stuff )

Fandom update: I have gotten hooked on Leverage )

Now if I can just fend off the inevitable falling for Merlin...
dragojustine: (giggle)
Just watched the Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon. And, okay, it isn't as bad as MegaSnake or Sumuru, but it sure as hell ain't good. You know, if I were Michael Shanks, I would have started to object to being typecast quite a while ago (probably at least by the time they had him talk about Sumer and Babylon on Eureka- then again, didn't he play somebody totally different in Judicial Indiscretion? Maybe I should watch that). That is, if I wasn't busy objecting to being cast in such crappy movies.

Confidential to Michael Shanks:
Dear Michael,

Please, for the love of God, get a better agent. Also, your fake snooty British accent has not improved with age. I still love you, though
-Justine

End of SGA has leaked. Have not yet watched it. Won't, til after the New Year. Am trying not to think about it. V. sad.

This is probably the single best peice of writing meta I have ever seen, and has somehow managed to make all my difficulties with plot crystal clear to me, when a thousand writing metas haven't before.

You know how I said I was done with the [livejournal.com profile] sga_santa recs? I lied. Go read Short and Stout right now. Do not attempt to drink anything while you read it.

Update

Dec. 23rd, 2008 11:57 am
dragojustine: (Christmas)
First, happy Hunkkah to all who celebrate!

Wow, I sure have been absent, no? It turns out that the internet connection here is flakey. Haven’t read flist since Thursday, won’t til next week. I miss you all. Merry Christmas in advance.

Random: On Thursday I had a lesson with this ESL student. He had a workbook page to do: "Words ending with -ship." One of the words was friendship, which he knew. The next was battleship. I asked him if he knew what a battleship was. He thought about it for a few minutes, and then made a perfectly reasonable analogy. "It's what you have when you're enemies. I have a friendship with my boss. I have a battleship with my ex-wife."

Random 2: We are under 14 inches of snow. This is the most snow I have ever seen, I am pretty sure. Walking through it is bizarre and deeply cool. Have discovered that once you pack things down enough, a snowboard actually makes a pretty good sled. (whee!). My dad is in seventh heaven, shoveling and bitching about all the people who don’t know how to drive.

There is an absolute flood of stories over at [livejournal.com profile] sga_santa. Quite a lot of them are getting lost in the shuffle, I think, and there’s not a lot of feedback going up in general. (Not that I’m helping- I’ve had barely any time to read!) I’ll stick up a recs list soon (or at least, a rec list out of the 15 or so stories I read). Are there any other recs lists up? I’d love to read some more of these, but no TIME.

I am 2000 words into my second Yuletide story, and I think I might be able to hit three. V. proud.
dragojustine: (Clever)
I want to be back in Baltimore. More specifically, I want to be back with [livejournal.com profile] miriad and [livejournal.com profile] als_wonderland. Yaay con-drop.

I am wildly amused that xkcd posted this strip right after I started using Twitter. Twitter amuses me in general, actually. I am dragojustine if anybody wants to pop in and find me, though I doubt I'll use it all that much. Mostly, I just think the xkcd guy is the cleverest guy on the internet and I have a brain-crush on him.

It's YULETIDE time! Fandom nominations will be open for the next ten days. Remember, if you want to ask for or offer a fandom, you need to nominate it; you can't just assume. And if you are on the fence? You should totally sign up, and we can freak out together.

My fandoms:
Chronicles of Narnia
Wizard of Earthsea
Slings & Arrows
Rome (HBO)
Appaloosa
M*A*S*H
dragojustine: (John/Rodney)
I had three major appointments today, and EVERY SINGLE ONE of them called to cancel with only an hours notice. Which means, of course, that I've been sitting at home all day but haven't actually DONE anything, because I kept thinking that I was about to leave in an hour. This one is more of a rueful laugh.

I finally have a John/Rodney icon I really like. I would tell you how many times I've played that scene since last night, gigglesmiling at the spit take every time, but then I would sound pathetic.

I also probably should admit how hard I laughed at this. SFW. Heh. Hehehehe.

I think, possibly, that I am madly in love with Obama. My weakness for orators is showing, y/y? Friday's Daily Show is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

Random zinger from the Democratic convention, from Gov. Ted Strickland of Ohio: "George W. Bush came into office on third base … and then he stole second. And John McCain cheered him every step of the way." (not the best snap, but the least predictable)

I am madly in lust with these jeans (okay, no laughter there).

I also desperately want this, but the idea of spending fifty dollars on something like that really is laughable.

Over and out.
dragojustine: (Daniel)
I just spent four straight hours flirting with the handyman putting up the ceiling fans. Seriously. 34 years old, 6 foot, slim and muscled, Texas accent and Texas charm, perfect tan- the whole nine yards. I swear to god, he was trying to kill me. By the time he was done, I had told him that those jeans made his ass look great (they did) and that he had fantastic hands (he DID. REALLY).

*facepalm* Think I need a cold shower.


Stargate watching log )


I signed up to rec Chronicles of Narnia for [livejournal.com profile] crack_van. I am so insanely nervous about this. I pulled up every Narnia fic I've EVER READ in tabs (about 45), eliminated all the ones that sucked (down to 30), then eliminated all the ones already reccd on [livejournal.com profile] crack_van (down to 20, losing many of my very favorites). Now I'm rereading them all and sorting them by category and writing notes and EEK I want to do a good job of this cause [livejournal.com profile] crack_van is like, a fannish institution, yk? SO NERVOUS!

First rec here


Stuff about vids and the best community on the whole of lj )

And if you like Donnie Darko, you'll spit coffee all over your keyboard at this: )

I have already laughed more at the time of this writing (10:00 am) than I have in possibly the last three months put together. What would I do without fandom?
dragojustine: (Christmas)
Happy Hanukkah to all who celebrate!

It's officially the holiday-season and I'm SO EXCITED )

ONLY 16 MORE DAYS TILL I GO HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! (and 20 more days till Christmas, but the going-home countdown is more exciting)

Successful "write a little bit every day" days-in-a-row: Fail.  I fell asleep at like 9:30 last night accidentally, because this boring job makes me so tired for no apparent reason.

Want to be amused?

I clipped my cat's claws. The two front sets, anyway, as the experience was rather too traumatic to do all four at once. It was... startlingly easy, considering that this cat draws blood from me regularly. He just squirmed a little, and objected in non-blood-drawing ways and then seemed to resign himself and I just pinched his little pads and out they popped and snip-snip-snip. I'm really quite proud of myself. For some reason sucessfully clipping a cat's claws feels like a huge achievement to me. Yaay me!
dragojustine: (Going mad feels like)
This stuff is SO FUNNY. I am dying of laughter over here. )
----------------------------------------
I just watched 8 episodes straight of Dexter. )
-----------------------------------
[livejournal.com profile] fleshflutter's Mini-nano has me on the edge of my seat. I am TERRIFIED for both of the boys right now. This is the most gripping WIP I've ever read, and I just can't stop thinking about it. Is it tomorrow yet?
------------------------------------
Prisoners in Camp Kim in the American Conservative. First-hand accounts of North Korea utterly fascinate me. It's just... a truly, inconceivably bizarre situation, one of those things that it's almost impossible to conceive of as existing in the same world as yourself, you know?
---------------------------------------
Don't forget to let me send you a card.
dragojustine: (Book stack)
My first ever negative review of a Pratchett book )

Animal Farm, George Orwell

Read with tutoring student Byron. Makes a great allegory. Some lovely topics there, especially about use of rhetoric. Good to have finally gotten around to it. I have Thoughts about the problems inherent in books that are primarily allegory, with lots of reference to Lewis and Tolkien, but now is not the time.
dragojustine: (Book stack)
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Douglas Adams

The Dirk Gently books are actually much funnier than the Hitchhiker sequels (and as funny as the first Hitchhiker). This is Adams take on the kind of supernatural stuff that Gaimon does- and of course, Adams does it better. (I heard someone once say that, while Gaimon may be the greatest comic-book writer and artist ever, in the company of people like Pratchett or Adams on the humor side or Gene Wolfe or Russel Hoban on the SF side, he is like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Anyway). It's funnier than Hitchhiker stuff because it has more of a plot to hang on. Dirk is a delightful character.


Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Dumas

Fun. Predictable after first three or four. Have to be very straightforward and simple, because Holmes can't be seen wandering down the wrong path for dramatic tension. Fascinating character- this is one of those characters that's been re-worked at re-appropriated ad infinitum, and seeing the original actual Holmes was pretty interesting.


Terry Pratchett is still amusing, but on a downward slide )


The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Graham

Well how cute. More uneven and less of a unified plot than I expected/remembered, with episodes both so very bucolic and British, rather annoying (the Lewis-like encounter with Christ) to just jolly fun (toad). The chapter where Rat meets the Sea Rat and is stricken with wanderlust might be the best description of t hat feeling I've ever read. Toad is a great character, and the image of toad as Ulysses is hilarious. Quite cute.


I am having a tough time grappling with Gene Wolfe )

So in short? I think Wolfe is probably a genius. But the first reading has left me at a loss for words, pretty literally, and I will need to read these again.

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